a grandmother's love

I apologize once again for my hiatus from writing. A few weeks ago, my grandma lost the battle with cancer. During the weeks surrounding that time, I was busy traveling to and from Ohio to be with family. I have a couple of drafts that I could've posted to fill the gap but it didn't feel right to resume normal programming without paying homage to this incredible woman. I've been racking my brain for what to write...how can I be so vulnerable and put these types of emotions on the internet for anyone to see? I also know my mom is going to read this and because of that, my deepest desire is to bring her joy through this post. Mom, I love you. Thank you for your picture of humility and servanthood throughout the last few months. Know that grandma cherished you caring for her more than you or I will ever know. Be reminded of God's sovereignty over all things and that He will be your greatest source of comfort as your mourn your loss.

Growing up, I lived within 15 minutes of my cousins and grandparents. We would often congregate at Boo Boo and Papaw's and play red light-green light, Simon says, and hide and go seek in their front yard. As we got older, our parents would tell us mischievous tales of their own childhood...my favorite story? The time my mom and Aunt Sandy threw raw hamburger meat on the kitchen walls to see if it would stick. Needless to say, my grandparents had their hands full with 4 girls and 1 boy.

"To my husband, with all the deepest
love and devotion for eternity and then forever, I give as,
Your adoring wife."

My papaw was the linchpin of our family. Authoritative yet loving, strong yet gentle. He kept everyone in line with constant care. He passed away 4 1/2 years ago. This man, while wonderful in all his own ways, would've been lost without my grandma. I wish I had more time with them to see and experience the love they had for one another.

My grandma was a remarkable woman. If I had more time, I would ask her so many more questions. Where all did you live growing up? How did you manage raising 5 kids and taking care of your husband? What was your favorite thing about being a nurse? Tell me something I never knew about you, or a secret you've never told anyone. I want to have a vivid picture of what your life was like and record it through your stories and feelings.

I would also thank her for infusing our family with a love of music. Music is in many ways the heartbeat of our family. Every gathering is filled with time spent around the piano singing and laughing. As a child, I would listen in awe of my grandma and her children harmonizing together hoping to one day be able to make such a beautiful sound. She graciously taught all the grandkids to play Heart and Soul and in turn, we will now teach our children and grandchildren, and so on. That will forever be part of our family thanks to my grandma.

I am incredibly blessed. I have an amazing family. We love intensely, care deeply, and laugh loudly. No matter what, I know they will be there for me. It's more than I could ask for. Sadly, there is now a void in this beautiful mess of a family. But I know that due to their love and devotion to all of us, we will continue to sing, laugh, and live life together so that generations to come will know the love that we experienced growing up.